Broken

This summer we finalized our divorce.  What a heartbreaking time.  I worked very hard all year to make sure our kids still felt like they still had a family.  I never in a million years would have wanted to see my children suffer from the break up of their parents. It broke my heart that my children were put in that statistic of a broken home.  Our home wasn't broken!  It was just different!  I have cried out to the Lord so many times to protect their hearts and to give them a security in relationships.
At the end of this summer we faced some news that I will not fully share but it very much was a sign to the children that their dad had moved on.  It was a sign to me too!  I all of a sudden felt like we were broken... we had fallen into that statistic.  My heart broke.  Why God would our little family be faced with this!  I forever had dreamed of a full functioning family!  Not a broken one!  To look at my children and see the tears and confusion in their faces was tormenting!  The anxiety that overwhelmed me was disabling.  For a week I asked God, "why my family!"
By the way.... this week was last week.  This is fresh.
This week I still don't have all the answers, but I have peace.  We aren't broken.  Even though the church would like to look at me like we are, and the man that interviews me tells me that I'm a single mom so that is hard to hire in a Christain atmosphere... God keeps on telling me that in Him we are whole.  My kids have a great family.  A good one, and a loving one.
My family is unique but whole

Quiet spirits

I look back to year ago in our lives.  What a different story!  There was caos, anger, bitterness, confusion, and  plenty more emotions!  I am so greatful that we have such a big God and that He is capable of moving those mountains of emotions!  I know for a fact that we are doing much better due to God's hand in our lives.
A prayer that I prayed almost a year ago today was to quiet my spirit.  Well I tell ya, God had His work cut out because my spirit was on FIRE!  And it was creating a destructive path.  My children had been picking up on my very unsettled spirit for so long that they were also very angry.  You can imagine the outbursts at home and sometimes even in public!  I knew that as we embarked on our new life living on the ranch with grandpa and grandma that we had to make changes.  I was a very blessed to be able to have time to heal.  I didn't have to work or be anywhere.  I had to time to reflect and heal.  Now I'm sure you've read prior posts....and if you haven't you should.  It will give you a clearer picture of my journey.  During my time of reflection I asked God to heal me.  To quiet my spirit and to be filled with His love.  It wasn't instant and it didn't come without a fight.... but it came.  I just kept my heart open and willing.  And God kept me under His wing as I threw all my tantrums.  The boys were healed almost immediately.  I prayed with passion that the Lord would have mercy upon them and fill them with His love and grace.  It was amazing to watch the angry words get kinder, the frustrating fits turn into times of reasoning, tears of pure bitterness change to tears of remorse, and to see our family slowly starting to come together in love.  There was more laughter and less tears, more loving touches and less hatred, and most of all our home became more peaceful.
I would have never imagined, with my big personality, and with the hurt and stresses of the past that it was even possible to quiet my spirit.  But I learned that when God promises something, He can do it!  We just have to be open and willing!

Hola!

Nothing like taking 5 months off of writing in my blog!  Wow time flies by so fast.  I feel like we barely saw summer!  Now school is back in session and we are all cracking the whip with routines and after school activities.  I am still looking for some work, during school hours.  I had an interview today with an online Christian school to do their finance and marketing.  DREAM JOB!  So I really hope I get it.
Well in the last 5 months I've had plenty of time to learn more lessons, dream bigger dreams, and to quiet my soul to the Lords leading.
I may not be the most experience writer but everything is definitely from the heart!